The mental and emotional vise tightened for Jaleen Roberts. She felt a Paralympic dream slipping away. She suffered through a breakup. College classes moved online, amplifying the isolation.
The pandemic that gripped the globe in 2020 spun Roberts’ universe into chaos. Depression caused the walls to close in.
She thought about how she would take her own life.
“I called my mom,” Roberts said. “When you’re around somebody and they make you feel unsafe for some reason, but you’re looking at yourself like that, I didn’t know if there would be a breaking point.
“She told me to drive to my coach’s house to feel safe. I then decided to go to a psychiatric hospital and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
“I had to take a leap and be brave. Seeking help, reaching out, speaking up, was definitely a turning point. If I hadn’t done that, maybe I wouldn’t be here today.”
The decision by the track and field star to yank back the curtain on silent suffering and hurdle the stigma too often associated with mental health led to the short film “Out of the Dark: Jaleen Roberts.” The film will debut Thursday at the Coronado Island Film Festival.
It’s about someone summoning the sizable courage to be vulnerable, lighting a path for others who might find themselves lost amid the turbulence and torment.
It’s one story shared by so many.
“I got into the state of mind where I lost my sense of purpose,” she said.
The 2020 Paralympics scheduled for Tokyo anchored Roberts, a top athlete preparing to compete in the 100-, 200-meters and long jump at the Elite Athlete Training Center for Olympians and Paralympians in Chula Vista.
Roberts, who was bullied as a kid because of her cerebral palsy, began playing what she called able-bodied sports in high school. Her ability, drive and the acceptance that followed slowed the apprehension and fear.
When COVID-19 placed the world on pause, the Paralympics were postponed.
Roberts was dazed.
“I had been training for this one moment for years and it felt like it was canceled,” she said. “I couldn’t even conceptualize it. I hit rock bottom. It’s scary when you think about doing something to yourself, how that would affect people in your life.
“I decided I could get help when I’m alive or have multiple people suffering if I’m not.”
Roberts found firmer footing, the Paralympics were rescheduled and she began chasing medals.
She began regaining control.
Between Tokyo and the most recent games in Paris, Roberts collected three silver medals and one bronze. She also resolved to leverage the platform to strip away the reservations about mental health conversations.
“I feel like my main purpose in track and field initially, and it’s still true, was to be a role model for young girls with disabilities,” Roberts said. “I didn’t see that when I was younger.
“When you have a disability, you feel like sport isn’t an option. I’m trying to get the message out that it is an option, at the highest level.”
The 8-minute, 29-second film became an important next step.
“It’s a realistic and raw depiction of how everything was for me,” said Roberts, 25. “I can verbally tell the story, but until you can add pictures to it and show it, it doesn’t truly depict things.”
The title, “Out of the Dark,” also signals that Roberts has found the light.
Now, she dreams of family and friends watching her compete in the 2028 Games scheduled for Los Angeles. Now, she envisions broader horizons.
“I have a degree in health and physical education from Eastern Washington, so I might go into teaching,” Roberts said. “And at Chula Vista, they had a mock emergency drill with a head injury on the BMX track. It was really interesting and I’m ionate about helping people.
“I’m currently in EMT school. If I like it, I may go that route.”
All roads are open. The darkness has lifted.
Seeing ‘Out of the Dark: Jaleen Roberts’
The short film shows at 10 a.m. Thursday in the Carousel Room of the Hotel Del Coronado.
Tickets for a series of films ($17) can be purchased on the Coronado Island Film Festival’s website: https://festival.coronadofilmfest.com/2024/10/04/no-place-home-local-shorts-216min/
