We’re all dealing with a time of uncertainty, and it’s easy to feel a wide range of emotions such as fear, frustration and denial.
Eleven years ago, when I was a 19-year-old sophomore at San Diego State University, I suddenly went legally blind. I lost my central vision in just two short months due to a rare genetic disorder I had no idea I had, called Leber’s hereditary optic neuropathy (LHON). LHON happens to 1 in 50,000 people, and only about 100 people in the United States are diagnosed with it each year. Unfortunately, it has no treatment and no cure.
All of a sudden, the life I thought I knew was stripped away from me, and “normal” had disappeared. Because of LHON I am no longer able to read (without extreme magnification), I am no longer able to drive, and I am no longer able to distinguish faces. My sight went from the perfect 20/20 vision I’d enjoyed my entire life, to where it is now – legally blind with no central vision. Talk about being faced with a time of uncertainty.
We will all face times of uncertainty, it’s inevitable and unavoidable.
Soon after I lost my sight someone told me something that I’ll never forget, and I think it’s timely for what we’re dealing with now with the coronavirus pandemic.
“You’re allowed to visit the ‘Poor Me’ house, but you aren’t allowed to move in.”
Think about that statement.
Let it truly sink in.
We’re allowed to visit the “Poor Me” house, but we aren’t allowed to move in.
When I first heard that statement, I didn’t think much of it at the time. But the more I’ve thought about it over time, it’s helped me better understand how to handle difficult situations.
When the going gets tough, we believe that we should have all the answers. That we should never complain, pick ourselves up by our bootstraps, and move forward…. Yeah right!
What I love about the statement is that it is real. We are allowed to visit the “Poor Me” house. When you face a difficult situation, you’re allowed to be upset, you’re allowed to be frustrated, and you’re allowed to complain. It’s natural, it’s genuine, and it’s necessary.
But you aren’t allowed to move into the “Poor Me” house.
When I first lost my sight, I so badly wanted to move into the “Poor Me” house. I wanted to curl up on the couch, order every meal on Postmates and binge watch (or listen, for a blind guy) to everything on Netflix. But that we can’t do.
Once we’ve visited the “Poor Me” house and we’ve gone through the natural stages of grieving in our own way, we need to then move on.
If I wanted to curl up on the couch and complain about being legally blind the rest of my life, I could. But what good would that do me? I doubt anyone would ever want to spend time with me again.
I am writing this to tell you that it’s OK to be upset with the situation we’re in. It’s OK to express your frustration. But after a while, you need to adapt and move on.
And with that, I would like to make an addition to the statement:
“You’re allowed to visit the “Poor Me” house, but you can’t move in — instead you must move on.”
