Like other rock stars, Kiss singer and guitarist Paul Stanley has been the recipient of loud cheers and jeers over the years. Unlike those other rock stars, however, he could only hear them in one ear.
Due to microtia, a rare congenital deformity, Stanley was born without a right ear.
This is the most startling disclosure he makes in his no-holds-barred memoir, “Face the Music: A Life Exposed” (HarperOne). It will be published Tuesday, just two days before Kiss, the band he co-founded in 1973, is inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. On April 17, he will sign copies of his memoir at Warwick’s in La Jolla.
Paul Stanley book g
When: 7 p.m. April 17
Where: Warwick’s, 7812 Girard Ave., La Jolla
ission: Free, in a manner. You must purchase a copy of Stanley’s memoir from Warwick’s in advance to be itted and get it signed by him. In order to do so, you must buy a ticket in advance, for $31.31, for which you will receive a copy of the book and ission for two adults.
Phone: (858) 454-0347
Online: warwicks.com
“Face the Music: A Life Exposed” was co-written with Tim Mohr. It offers a classic, if often sobering, rags-to-riches chronicle of Stanley’s life. A New York native, he is the son of Jewish immigrant parents who were emotionally distant at best and cruel at worst. His childhood and teen years were full of anguish because of his microtia and the relentless teasing and bullying from other kids that resulted. His highly dysfunctional family, which included his deeply troubled sister and unhappily married parents, further compounded matters and fueled their troubled son’s desire for an escape to something better.
“I believed that my ticket out of my unhappiness, or issues with my growing up, or my birth defect, or my hearing loss, was becoming famous and successful,” Stanley told U-T San Diego in a recent interview from his Beverly Hills home. ” I was fortunate enough to become famous and successful, so I could see that wasn’t the answer. At that point, you have to decide: ‘What do you do?’ “
There has been considerable controversy over Kiss’ pending induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which will be televised in May on HBO. Stanley and fellow Kiss mastermind Gene Simmons have refused to perform at the induction ceremony with Kiss’ other two original , drummer Peter Criss and San Diego-based guitarist Ace Frehley, unless the band’s current lineup also can perform.
The Rock Hall rejected that proposal, which means that Kiss won’t perform in any form at the ceremony. Moreover, the Rock Hall will only induct Kiss’ original four . This has angered Stanley and Simmons, who is described in “Face the Music” as Stanley’s brother-in-arms, as well as a cheater, goofy, dishonest, unhappy, selfish, hurtful and worse.
Stanley, 62, will perform here with Kiss on July 6 at Sleep Train Amphitheatre. A married father of four, he spoke to us at length about his book, Kiss, the band’s pending induction, its former and current , and more. Here are excerpts from that conversation:
Q: It’s hard to imagine the pain and taunting you endured growing up without a right ear, an experience you vividly detail in your book. Given the reconstructive surgery you had in the early 1980s and recent advances in medical technology, can you now at least partially hear on your right side?
A: I can’t. There have been technical breakthroughs, in of stimulating the auditory nerve, and surgeries to create ear canals. But my brain is wired this way at this point. And anything that goes against it just confuses it. I can’t imagine hearing like you hear (with both ears), because what I have is my idea of normal. I can’t tell direction of sound, never could, and that has a lot of impact on you as a child. You always have a sense of vulnerability, because you can’t triangulate (sound) if you can’t see somebody. Or, if you hear a firetruck, you could walk into its path, because you don’t know where it’s coming from.
Q: I don’t mean to be indelicate. But since you have three young kids, if they want to get away with something, do they plot together while standing to your right, so that you can’t hear them?
A: (laughing) No! I’m not totally deaf. I can hear with my left side. My kids are spectacular, stellar, little people. And my oldest son is in the Tisch School of the Arts program at New York University, which accepts 40 only students a year. So I’m a big proponent of hands-on parenting and building self-esteem, setting boundaries and expectations. And the results speak for themselves. It may be oversimplifying things, but children start out as blank slates.
Q: Your childhood, as your book makes very clear, was filled with anguish.
A: It was not a good one. It was lonely and scary. My parents loved me, but they didn’t know the right way to love. The idea of toughening a kid up by not complimenting them, by not acknowledging their achievements, by telling them everything is OK when it’s not, doesn’t produce a tough kid. It produces the opposite. … My parents certainly loved me, but didn’t know how to do it in a constructive way.
Q: The book feels, to the reader, like a cathartic journey. Does it feel that way to you?
A: More the process of living it was cathartic. Writing about it was more a feeling that, by opening up my life, I might help somebody else. The word that keeps coming back from people who read the book, and who are not necessarily Kiss fans, is “inspirational.” The only reason I wrote the book is because I thought that perhaps people could find a little inspiration or strength in seeing that they are not that different than I am. I think people tend to look up to their idols, or the people who they emulate, and think: “Those people are perfect.”
The truth is, we’re all pretty much the same. I believed that my ticket out of my unhappiness, or issues with my growing up, or my birth defect, or my hearing loss, was becoming famous and successful. I was fortunate enough to become famous and successful, so I could see that wasn’t the answer. At that point, you have to decide: “What do you do?” Some people self-medicate, and we know where that leads. Or, you live life as a victim, or you roll up your sleeves and move forward. I’m a great believer in self-improvement and self-survival. The book felt great, because my revelation was that the less judgmental you are of others, and the less controlling and more giving you are, the more you get, and — ultimately — happiness comes from within you and your family. No matter how many people ire you, you have to go home with yourself.
Q: And what would you have said if someone told you that when when you were 25 or 35?
A: I would have said: “Yeah? Who’s the cute blonde?” In other words, I don’t believe we learn from other people telling us things. we learn from experiencing things. So I’m telling my story, but I’m not implying I have the key for anybody else…
Q: Your book is very detailed, but you make no mention in it of Lou Reed’s participation in (the 1981 Kiss album) “Music from the Elder.” Why not?
A: Lou’s participation was, I don’t want to say peripheral, because he came in and (album producer) Bob Ezrin had a very long relationship with Lou, having done (the 1973 album) “Berlin,” and they were every close. Lou came to pre-production rehearsals, and Bob asked if he had any ideas. And he came in with a lyric for “A World Without Heroes” and part of a lyric for “Mr. Blackwell,” or at least the shape, the direction of those lyrics. And there are other (Kiss song) co-writers, and other people who are not a part of the book.
But writing a book about your life is somewhat (like) making a film of it. You can’t tell the entire story. You have to give enough instances to flesh out and tell the story, but — as in making a book into a movie — you have to omit some things. The idea is not to omit anything of great value.
Q: You are extremely candid in the book and don’t seem to pull any punches, about yourself or anyone else. Was there anything simply too personal that you left out?
A: No. There wouldn’t be any point in the book if that were the case. There’s nothing vindictive or said to be hurtful.
Q: But, at one point, you describe Peter and Ace as “barely sentient beings.”
A: I’m sure that will ruffle feathers, but that is secondary. How somebody accepts, or is affected, by my assessment is not as important as telling the story. And that was: “Look, neither one of those guys really had much at heart, in of priorities, other than themselves.” So I’m not losing any sleep over my characterizations or assessments.
Q: What reaction have you had from other band ?
A: Gene read it. And, from everything I’ve heard from other people, he loved the book and acknowledged, certainly, the accuracy of what I said and my assessment of him. Again, nothing was said to hurt or denigrate. It was just my point of view. And, in my book, I must be honest. He thought it was great. And for a few people who read it, I think it’s probably painful for (them) to read it, and I understand that.
Q: Is a rock band, by definition, dysfunctional?
A: I think there is something that comes from combustibility in a band. And the problem with combustibility is, unless it can be harnessed for the common good, it causes (the need) for change. The band, as it is today — and has been for over a decade — is four individuals who are very much motivated to further the band and the cause; four people who say: “How can I make the band greater?” And that’s how you become greater. But when you have people whose main objective is to make themselves greater, then everybody suffers. I think combustibility is a great thing. Look, Gene and I have been together 44 years at this point, and we’re very different (people). But, at the end of the day, generally speaking, we have always been motivated by trying to do as best as we can for the band.
Q: Kiss will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Thursday. Do you have mixed feelings about it?
A: We will all be there, together, and will accept the award together. I believe, for many reasons, the Rock Hall is a disgrace. And to grudgingly induct us 14 or 15 years (after Kiss was first eligible), because they look ridiculous otherwise, I don’t get any great honor or pride from that …
I don’t know that they’ve ever dealt with people like us, who not only have a different point of view but can actually articulate it. You have people on that (Rock Hall of Fame) board who have vocally and vehemently stated that they would fight our induction. You have a burn-out like (music critic and author) Dave Marsh, whose recollections and romanticizing of New York bands is pure fantasy. The bands he seems to champion from the period of our inception (in the 1970s) are bands that sucked. They failed. The reason nobody knows about them is they weren’t any good.
So to have somebody like that making one of his quests to keep us out of the Hall of Fame — anybody who has the perception the Hall of Fame is a reflection of the people in the street is sadly mistaken.
